What to expect from your first relationship coaching session
The idea of relationship coaching can be both exciting and intimidating. You may have a sense that something in your sex life isn’t working, or maybe you feel disconnected from a part of yourself. Talking about sex with a stranger isn’t something we do very often, and that can bring a lot of possibilities, but also raise an instinct for self-protection. And how much sex is really involved?
Relationship coaching is a conversation between your mind and your body. It is about exploring how you relate to desire, connection, and pleasure, and discovering tools to keep things from getting in the way. Curious? Read on.
What will I be asked up front? Will it be awkward?
The first session is a chance to discuss what you want to get out of coaching. What was top of mind when you decided to reach out? What would progress look like for you?
The answers can be really specific (“I want to be able to orgasm with a partner.”) or more vague (“I want to feel more alive!”). It could be physical (“I want to stop having pain during sex.”) or emotional (“I want to feel better about my body.”). Maybe you want to understand or communicate your turn ons. Maybe you want to know how to move forward after infidelity—yours or a partner’s. Or maybe you are tired of not wanting sex at all.
We will spend the first session clarifying the goals, and talking about what you can expect if you work with me.
I don’t request a full history—I’m not going to ask about your mother unless you bring her up! My coaching style is to focus on skills and avoid spending too much time on narrative. I will ask for relevant information, but I don’t expect you to pour out your life story.
In fact, I will discourage it. Because relationship coaching is about getting out of your head and into your body.
Safety and comfort
Talking about sex, let alone exploring it, can be vulnerable, embarrassing, and scary. My role is to create a space of no judgment, where you can feel safe to experience those feelings and begin to move past them. I will be there with you, every step of the way. If you can’t feel safe with me, then we are not a good fit for coaching and I will be happy to recommend someone else.
We go at your pace. Nothing happens without your full consent. In the first session, that might mean a flood of pent-up stories, and it might be no more than us feeling each other out. Whatever we do, I will show up with curiosity and presence. I am there for you.
And then what?
Whether we move forward is up to you. I will not feel badly if you choose to go elsewhere, or if you simply put the whole plan on ice. I want to support you if and when you are ready, and the initial conversation helps us both determine that. You are never wasting my time.
If we do continue together, in each session we will identify a growing edge: something that you want to work on that day that moves you toward your goal. It might be expressing what you want, asking for something new, or letting yourself feel pleasure without performing. It could be about shame, or boundaries, or healing.
How does it differ from therapy?
Coaching is experiential, which means we practice. Based on the growing edge you want to work on, we will identify a tool that you would like to try out, in real time. That might mean role-playing a conversation, doing a visualization and saying how you feel, or trying a short experiment in how to handle something. I might model something first, and then invite you to try it in a way that feels safe and authentic. You can read more about the specific distinctions from therapy here.
I never ask you to do anything; I suggest ideas for you to choose from. There is nothing to get right or do correctly. The goal is simply to notice what happens, what you feel in your body, and what you can learn from that experience. This kind of embodied awareness is the foundation for intimacy, both with yourself and with others.
Before we close our time together, I will always leave space to check in and see what went well and what we can do differently next time.
Between sessions, I might invite you to practice something we tried together: a conversation, an awareness exercise, or simply noticing your body’s signals in everyday life. We can then discuss how it went and what might make it even better.
If you’re curious about relationship coaching, I invite you to schedule a free consultation. Together, we can start uncovering what you truly want—and how to create a life that reflects it.
